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You know. I've realized that sometimes God does mean things to you. like.. instead of telling you something, he'll do something mean. so you can step back and look at the situation you were in and let yourself realize "what the hell was i thinking?" instead of him having to tell you. y'know. i think i'd just rather have him tap me on the shoulder and pull me aside, and let me look at everything. but then again... knowing me.. i probably wouldnt learn that way. pleah.

oh well. all i know is that ever since she opened her mouth, and so did her little possee, it made me feel better. much better. i was still struggling with it, but then se started talking about their "amazing sex" and that was the moment that i immediately got over it. he probably knows why. and if he doesnt, he's a fucking maroon (i like that name. maroon.) because i told him why. twice. but yeah.. "I just want to be somebody's only. it just hurt me to know that I wouldn't be your somebody's only..." theres just something i cant hang with about teens and young people having sex. are you really that selfish and horny and careless and stupid and blind that you cant wait until you get married? or at least until you grow up a bit, and can be mature enough to make those kinds of decisions? sex. i hate sex. the mere thought of sex repulses me. a lot of people try to say things like "yeah, thats probably because you cant get any." hah. trust me, that isnt the problem. if i wanted sex, i could easily walk out the door, and drive over to a few peoples houses, and i would be guaranteed sex. but, i would never do that. why? because i hate sex, and plus, im not a slut, or a whore, or anything like that. im rather proud of being a virgin, because i know that when i get married (if i ever, should i say.. i hope i do.. but im not so sure about that right now..) im going to have something worth more than any money could buy to give my my husband. more than some dumb gift, or stupid words that hav been whispered to other men before him. ill be able to give him something pure that i was strong enough to hold on to, and let him know that he was worth the wait. after that, i'll probably be like a damned rabbit, but hey. thats all cool. 'but i thought you just said you hated sex.' well. i do. and i will. for a very long time. but, i know that the person that God finds for me to be with for the rest of my life will be able to comfort that hate, and nourish it until it becomes an understanding, and nuture it until it becomes a pleasing experience. "but, you gotta practice before you get married, so you know what you're doing on your wedding night." come on, kids. sex is not an overly complicated thing, and if you dont know what the basics are to do, then you seriously need help, not practice. especially not practice, because we wouldnt want little baby you's running around here. *shudders* anyhow. to some people, it'll come naturally on their wedding night, and to some, it'll be like watching Cats put on by a bunch of bloody ignorant amatures that barely understand what a musical is, much less know how to perform one. and.. thats ok. thats probably better than ok, because then you get to practice with your husband a lot more until you get it right. >=) haha. yeah. anyways. yes. i hate sex, and knowing that they're fucking each others brains out, and make bets on that just really rocks my boat, and makes me laugh. it makes me see how wonderful it is that im not standing anywhere near that anymore.

oy.. thats one of the things i love about travis. he's anti-sex, and so am i. yet, we function perfetly, and are more than completely happy. maybe thats a sign? i dunno. *blinks* all i know is that i'm quite happy where i'm standing right now. =D

Jen 12/28/2001 04:47:00 PM

Thursday

my name is jen. this. is my blog.

*bows*
Jen 12/27/2001 09:24:00 PM


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